Who’s Bad? I’m gonna tell ya who’s bad – me. Because apparently I’ve tagged every single picture on Instagram bad.
I have written a bit about my foray into the world of Instagram and let me tell you, the learning curve is still swerving ahead of me. I still don’t understand Instagram or how it is going to help promote my classes or Etsy business, but apparently it’s all the rage – young people these days. Personally, I would rather write a whole bunch of words but the attention span of the general population is such that it is recommended the word count be under 45 letters or so and the content mostly images. Thus, Instagram.
My newest fascination is with searching the hashtags I use in my posts to see what I’m associating with. For instance, when I hashtag “mala beads” a whole bunch of pictures of necklaces with tassels appears, as does a couple of yogis in handstands with a necklace neatly coiled on their mat like a serpent ready to strike.
I have gotten creative with the use of hashtags (still the pound sign in my mind). Hashtag “designing women” hashtag “shabby chic” hashtag “late night yogi”. I use associations typical to my occupations in life, too; hashtag “cat lady” hashtag “night shift” and hashtag “mala”.
Wait. Let me tell you something: “Mala” means something else entirely different in another language. If you hashtag search “mala” you get a whole bunch of necklaces, a few beautiful yoga poses, some bracelet stacks and a picture of a tall dark man with cornrows and a firm member tucked into a pair of Jockey boxer briefs that are so tight I probably couldn’t get my arm through a leg hole.
This is a fairly consistent result of my hashtag searches. Mala means something naughty.
Someone asked why didn’t I Google search the meaning of Mala. I will tell you why; I’d Google search Mala and the next thing I know, facebook posts an advertisement for a high-end porn site which I accidentally click like and share and before I know it, I’ve got yoga classes full of people who want something “mala” and I don’t know what that means.
All I know for sure is that “Mala” is sacred prayer beads used for mantra repetition and breath practices and, also, “Mala” relates to something in Spanish that includes some of the most incredible male specimens I have ever seen wearing little to nothing but heavy tattoos and possibly a phone, with which they took the selfie I’m now drooling over.
Interestingly, “Mala” doesn’t mean something exclusive to the male gender, as there was also a woman tagged with the same hashtag. She was wearing a hot pink bikini and high heeled shoes on her way into a sparkling blue pool.
Let me tell you what “Mala” means – BAD. That’s what it means. The man with the cornrows and tattoos, he’s a cage fighter and hash-tagged himself BAD. The man smoldering into the phone’s camera for his Instagram selfie tagged himself Bad. The woman in the hot pink bikini and high heels, she’s Bad too.
Let me tell you something else, the fact that good looking men behaving badly, so boldly proud of their inability to act right, is a prominent and popular hashtag is a perfect indication of why I don’t want to date.
Through guilt by association I, too, have hash tagged myself into this category. I am Bad. My Mala necklaces are Bad. The cats are Bad. My #crafty #latenightyogi #catlady self is B-A-D. Incredibly, this is very not bad and indeed, might be most fortunate and good.
Are you #BAD?